Laura Kåmark
Hey everyone. Welcome to the Be Bold Make Waves Podcast, a show bringing you inspiring stories of women who are growing and scaling their business. I’m your host, Laura Kåmark, a website and tech integration specialist who works with online business owners who love their work but NOT their website. Join me as we have incredible conversations about business mindset, productivity, and of course, the website and tech behind the business. Let’s go ahead and dive in to this week’s episode. Hello, and welcome to today’s show. I’m so excited for you all to be here. For those of you who don’t already know me, my name is Laura Kåmark. I’m a website and tech integration specialist for women who love their work and not their website. I’m so excited to introduce you to my guest today. Stephanie Nichols. Stephanie is a certified life coach with the Life Coach School and a certified nurture to convert business coach with Dana Malstaff. She has worked as a contract coach for seven figure business owners like Alison J. Prince, creator of the four multi million dollar online brands, Russell Brunson, co founder of Click Funnels, and Tina tower, founder of the Australian mastermind, her Empire Builder. Stephanie is mom to two boys authored the book, create your call a guilt free journey to peaceful motherhood, which is an excellent book that I’ve read. And founder of Stephanie, Stephanie Nichols coaching, she helps entrepreneurs, how to manage their minds and create sustainable habits, so they can maximize the time and money. They’re investing in their business. Stephanie, thank you so much for being here today. Can you tell our listeners just a little bit more about what you do and how you help people?

Stephanie Nichols
Absolutely. Well, first of all, thank you so much for having me on here, it’s so good to see you. So good to connect. And a little bit more about me, I really am passionate about helping people to create a life that’s aligned with their values. So you’ll see that in the pattern of my business. So everything that I’ve created, at the core of all of it is really helping people to figure out who they are, and aligning whatever it is that they’re doing, to the values that they have. And what I am currently working on in my business is really helping entrepreneurs to do that, by creating sustainable habits. And the way that I do that is through really two things. One is teaching them how to do it in a way that’s enjoyable, that’s really fun. And two, I teach them to use their intuition, I teach them to listen to themselves to go inward. And it’s really easy to look outside of ourselves for answers. And especially in a society where we have so much social media presence. And there’s a lot of things that are just readily available to offer to you to take the place of your own thoughts. And so what I do with my clients is really helped them to put on noise cancelling headphones and block out all of the noise. And really focus in on what it is that they want and what they feel aligns with what their values are, and help them create that by using, you know, intuitive. What is it called? Intuitive?

Laura Kåmark
Your intuition? Yeah, that intuitive that gut feeling?

Stephanie Nichols
Yeah, there was a word I had, but it totally left me. But really just focusing in on that and helping them to create sustainable create habits from that, which makes them sustainable, right? Because if we are creating habits that are something we think we should do based on what other people tell us, we’re using willpower to overcome our brain. And we’re forcing ourselves to do something and a lot of times we’re punishing ourselves, right, we’re basically bullying ourselves into compliance. And then it’s not sustainable. Because we are not able to use willpower forever. Willpower is a short term solution. It can be a short term solution, but it’s not a long term solution. And so that’s really what I focus on in my in my practice is really helping clients to figure out what is it that I want to create in my business? And what does that look like? And how can I make it fun? And then by doing that practice, they build sustainable habits for themselves. And I feel like a lot of the people that I work with already have really good habits in some area of their life. And we take that and we use it to apply to their business.

Laura Kåmark
What are some habits you see that are really like clients you work with have that are like really good sustainable habit habits. And then on the flip side, what are some that you see that are not?

Stephanie Nichols
So I think the the number one habit that I see a lot of my clients have is taking care of themselves. That is one that I noticed a lot of my clients already do a lot of things like intuitive eating and meditation and working out exercising taking care of their body. A lot of my clients come to me already having established these habits in their personal life. And they, in their business, a lot of times the habits that they come to me for are wanting to have a better system to plan and follow through.

Laura Kåmark
Can we talk a little more about what that looks like?

Stephanie Nichols
Absolutely. What do you want to know?

Laura Kåmark
So what sort of like, like, I feel like, what keeps coming up when you’re saying this is, so I think about social media and like, Oh, I feel this need, like, I need to be consistently posting places, and I spend, you know, you go to like login to find something on Facebook and then get sucked into like the feed. And I know, there’s like the feed Eradicator. But I’m like, sometimes I see stuff in that feed that then later plays an important role on something else. So I guess I’d be curious, like, what are some of those habits that I might be doing that I probably need to find myself a little more aware of, so I can get more in alignment? And not spend a lot of time I feel like I have time. But a lot of times some days I get done. And I’m like, What did I do

Stephanie Nichols
today? I think one of the things that I encourage my clients to do is to really start paying attention to what they’re giving their attention to. Right. And so that’s kind of the way that we when we first start working together, that’s kind of we just do an intake, right? Like, where are you spending your attention? What are you focusing on? What are the tasks that you’re doing? And a lot of times that will naturally bring up habits that they have that they don’t want, for example, getting on their phones, and just scrolling. A lot of times I hear that at night, right like or first thing in the morning. Another habit would be putting something on their calendar and then doing something else to avoid that task. And I think those are really common. So when you’re thinking about, you know, creating that level of awareness for yourself, a lot of times it’s just kind of doing an intake, right, like looking at how you are actually spending your time. And if you find yourself on social media, and you’re like, Well, I really want to be engaging in social media, right? Because I think businesses today, most of them do have some aspect that is online, whether the service is online, or you’re selling products online, or you are marketing online. Most businesses, I believe, have some online components. So we we have to understand for ourselves, what do we want to be doing? And what don’t we want to be doing? Right? Because a lot of times we have this all or nothing thinking where it’s like, well, either I have to be online and always be working on my business, or I can’t be online at all, because I have no, you know, constrained, and I just ended up in a rabbit hole. And, you know, a half an hour later and like, where did the time go? Yeah, that being said, we’re all humans. And of course, that is going to happen sometimes. But when you can pre decide what you want to be doing, then it eliminate some of that, right? Because you’re like, Okay, well, maybe I want to be scrolling on social media. And then you plan that into your day where you’re like, Okay, well, I’m going to take some time to just explore and see what other people are doing. And when you pre decide that, and then do it, it feels much different than when you just do it as a reaction to being on social media, and wanting to avoid doing work and wanting to avoid the task that you’ve decided was most important in your business. Does that make sense?

Laura Kåmark
It does. I know, I’ll find like, you know, I build websites. And so sometimes there’s things that are like, it takes a minute for it to load and install and do that. And then I’m like, Oh, well, I’m just sitting here for a couple of minutes while I wait. Let me pick up my phone and look at it. And then like you get sucked in.

Stephanie Nichols
Yeah. And so that’s kind of one of those habits that what happens is you’ve you’ve got something going on for you in that moment. Right? And so just paying attention in that snapshot of a moment, like what am I thinking, what’s happening for me in that moment, when I pick up my phone and look at it, instead of being able to just wait until the website loads? Right? And get curious with yourself like, huh, isn’t that interesting? That instead of just being able to wait and and maybe you don’t want to wait, maybe you do want to do something. But right now it’s a reaction. And so you’ve created this automatic habit that when you’re waiting, which I bet a lot of your listeners can relate to this, because when we’re waiting is when I most frequently hear of my clients saying, Well, you know, I’m picking up my phone and I’m doing this things, or I see that when I’m out in public right when I’m at the coffee shop waiting for my my coffee, and I look around and everyone standing waiting for their coffee is on their phones. So I think it’s a really common thing to do. And if it’s something you don’t want to be doing, you can ask yourself the question like, Okay, what what am I thinking in that moment that I’m picking up my phone instead of just waiting until the website loads? Do you have any idea like what comes up for you and you’re thinking, okay, so your website’s loading and you’re kind of looking, you’re you know, looking around and obviously you pick up your on, like, what happens for you?

Laura Kåmark
Oh, I wonder what’s going on over here I have my phone is always on. The ringers always off pretty much unless I’m like waiting for a call from like the vet or the doctor or something. But pretty much 99% of the time, my phone is always on silent mode. And so I don’t hear notifications or any of that stuff. So a lot of times I’ll look at it during the day. And like most of the workday, I actually have it on focus. Sometimes I check in, I’m like, Oh, I wonder if my husband texted me anything or if there’s any, hopefully the kids are fine. And no one tried calling me because my phone’s on Do Not Disturb. So I feel like some of that’s a check in there. And then if there’s nothing else pressing, I’m like, Oh, look, there’s

Stephanie Nichols
all these notifications from Facebook. Why don’t these people tag me in something? Yeah, it’s like that stream of consciousness. And then we just go from like thing to thing to thing. It’s kind of like when you walk around your house and you go to get something out of the kitchen, you’re like, oh, there’s a couple of dishes in the sink, I should just do those real quick. Oh, but you know what the garbage needs to be taken out. And then they take the garbage out, and they come back. And they’re like, oh, you know what, I need to move those shoes into this room. Oh, and then we get into our bedroom. We’re like, oh, shoot, you know what, I didn’t make my bed. Right? It’s that same kind of thing where like, one thing will lead to the next. And oftentimes, that’s like a really natural progression, right? It’s something and then you see it. And so you take care of it, or you do it cuz you’re like, Well, if I don’t do it now, I’m gonna forget. Yes. So I think one of the things I actually talk about a lot with my clients is we do a brain dump. So in the beginning of the week, I have them, I actually have a system that I helped them kind of set up. And so I give them some guidelines. And then they use their intuition, right, like what works best for them. And so it’s a mixture of here’s some criteria, here’s some guidelines for you to follow. And then they like experiment, and see what works best for them. So for example, I have them brain dump, beginning of the week. Now I’ve got one client who has some work, that he gets assigned work on Thursday nights from some work he’s doing with the Navy. And so he has his week starting on Fridays to Friday. Right? Doesn’t matter that works for him. And, and so he plans on Friday mornings, and sometimes when we get to Saturday mornings, but whatever works for him, right? He’s very intuitive in what works for his schedule. And so my guideline is the beginning of your week, brain dump everything out that’s spinning around in your head, everything you’re thinking about everything that you’re wanting to accomplish for the week, or maybe even further than the week. And so that’s one of the tasks that I have them practice right away when we start working together. And then from there, it’s looking at what’s the biggest priority. And in that it’s the values. So looking at your values, and taking your calendar and applying the guidelines that I’m giving them. And their intuitive intuition, right, their intuitive thinking, and applying those two things together. So that it’s, they’re being given some type of guideline of what they can do, but they’re also having the freedom of doing what works for them, and what aligns with their personal values.

Laura Kåmark
Oh, I love that. And I do something kind of similar. At the start of my week, I will kind of brain dump down I call it my to do list, but I mean, it’s my detailed out Task List of here’s all the things I need to get done this week. And then usually, I don’t start things I know looking at that list, like the importance level, I don’t know, my brain just like kind of moves it around on the page. And I just and then I’ll start knocking through those when I sit down to work.

Stephanie Nichols
Yeah, and that’s the intuitive part. Right. So interestingly, I had a call with a client this week, who said, you know, I planned out my schedule, the way that we talked about, and I had all of these blocks of time, I had everything kind of figured out. And then I found myself like not doing those tasks, like I’d switch them around, and I would do this and they would do that. But I got everything done. And I was like, Okay, so what’s the problem? Right? Like, what, what’s what, what would you like to do differently? And he was like, Well, you know, I guess it’s not really a problem. And I was like, okay, it sounds like you are intuitively moving things around. And maybe you’re in a phase in your life where that’s okay. Right? Like you still got everything done. And so I think we have this misconception that we have to like, put everything on our calendar and follow through it exactly as planned. And if we don’t, then we’ve done it wrong, right. And then we don’t feel great about it. And it doesn’t feel like we accomplished much or we weren’t productive, or we like make it mean something about us, right? Like, well, I’m disorganized, or I can’t follow through or whatever it is. But I know a lot of like moms that have young children find this right? Like when their kids are little, our kids are unpredictable. Me My kids are older now. They’re seven and 10. They’re still somewhat unpredictable, but much more so than when they were little. But when I had little kids my business looked much different than it does today. Right when my kids were little, I had to structure time in with them to do hands on things before I could come back to my business. And so I planned my schedule around that. And it often looked different from week to week. Right? And so it’s like the idea of creating sets stainable habits isn’t like doing it perfectly. It’s figuring out, okay, what is it that I value? And how can I make this fun, right and really taking those two things and looking at, okay, so structuring something, it’s not about just repeating it repeating and repeating and repeating and repeating it. Although that is helpful. If it’s not something that is intuitive to you, or doesn’t feel fun. It’s not going to be sustainable, right? You’re not going to keep doing it. Because eventually you’re gonna be like, well, this sucks, like, I don’t want to do this anymore. Right? A lot of times, I think about the good morning routine. Do you have a morning routine?

Laura Kåmark
I do. But it feels very hectic. I have like this vision of what I would like my morning routine to be. But the actuality of my morning routine is like, as soon as that alarm goes off, I get up and like hit the ground running because we got to get the kids up. I gotta get the animals that I gotta get the dog walked I gotta get the kids on the best. I gotta get the little one off to preschool. Like, it’s just like, go, go, go, go, go. And so when I hear people talk about like, Oh, I get up. I meditate. I journal, all these things. I’m like, Oh, I dream of the day, which I think is coming soon. I just have maybe a few more years where I can get to that point. Because right now it’s just like, so hectic. And it used to be I could just get up earlier. But then now like with school, I’m

Stephanie Nichols
like, 630 is just, I just haven’t been able to get up earlier than that. Well, I know you’re in Pacific. Right. So you’re also, you know, looking at 630 in the morning is also you know, everybody else has kind of already started their day. So

Laura Kåmark
yeah, so like, yeah, so a lot of times like today, there’s a coaching call, I was on the program I’m in and it starts at 8am I’m literally getting out of the shower and like getting on the zoom off with the video off to listen while I’m getting ready, because they’re already like Partway into their day when I was like, Oh, I had a call this morning, a discovery call. And I’m like, man, like, it’s still early here. We’re still I’m still just getting my day going. So So yeah, so I mean, I do all those I get the dog walk get the kids taken to school. Depending on timing I get the shower in because that to me is like the most important of my self care is my my daily shower. I think just again, from like a routine habit forming place. I’ve always done that even before having children. And I do also feel like that walk on the beach used to be like a good hour. Again, this is before my daughter had started kindergarten and timing of our life’s changed around. But that was always kind of like my morning like, quiet reset time while I was out walking the dog, I’m on the beach. And then for the last like year and a half that’s kind of looked a little different. And then now I A lot of times have my four year old with me. So it’s definitely not that like calm, relaxing, like good movement, sort of feeling. It’s more like Come on, keep up. Let’s keep going, honey, we gotta hurry, you gotta get back so I can shower and get you to school and all those things.

Stephanie Nichols
Yeah, and I think like listening to you talk about how it’s shifted over the last few years, I think that a lot of people can relate to that. Because when we create a habit sustainability doesn’t mean it always looks the same. Sustainability means it’s something that you can continue doing, and get creative and how you can continue it. So for example, your morning routine, you said that’s really important to you. And so that’s a habit you created is having some type of structure, some type of routine, the shower, right, for example, has been kind of a staple for you and having different things that you want to get done in the morning. But it has looked different. And so the sustainability is having some type of structure in the morning, even if that structure looks a little bit different. And often when we have shifts like when our kids start school, like when you have kids, right when they’re little when they’re babies, and they need to be fed around the clock looks different than when they’re, you know, toddlers or when they start preschool or when they’re in elementary school or middle school or high school, our schedule will look different. And so I think we get into this belief that it has to look a certain way. And then it’s going to look that way forever. And I encourage my clients to look at what is working right now. Right. And so another example is I had a client who was talking about wanting to do you know, things in their business, but she was really struggling with consistently showing up in her business. Right, she’d have like these ups and these downs. And so we talked about another area of her life. She’s really good at her eating, and her working out like she gets a walk in every day. She actually lives in California, also. But she because I feel like when people talk about walking outside daily, like you don’t live in Wisconsin, just kidding. I actually get outside and walk daily too, but I’m all bundled up with so she was talking about all these habits that she has. And so we talked about Okay, so what works with those habits. What are you doing in that part of your life that’s already working for you? And then we talk about how can we apply that To you showing up in your business? Where are the similarities? What are the things that you could take and apply to how you’re showing up in your business? Right? That’s the sustainability part of the habit is taking something that’s already working, and then continuing to tweak it and experiment until it is working for this season of life that you’re in. Right? I wish that I could sit here and offer to your, your listeners that we can just set something in motion and all of a sudden, you know, you create a habit, and you never have to tweak it. But that’s not reality, right. And I would be misleading if I said that, that you just figure out what you want. And then you know, you go after it, and you solidify these routines, and then you’re done. Because the truth is that all of our lives, whether you have children or not, are going to change, there are going to be circumstances that are going to change, maybe you get a new pet, maybe your pet passes away, right, maybe a family member gets sick and has to come live with you. Maybe you have a death in the family, maybe you get a new job, there are always going to be things that are changing their lives. And so the sustainability part of it isn’t necessarily having a specific habit that you apply over and over again, it’s really looking intuitively at okay, what is already working, what brings me joy, what’s really fun? And then how can I apply this to the habit that I want to create? Right, and then being willing to kind of experiment and try it out until you figure out something that does work? And sometimes you figure out what works just as it changes, right?

Laura Kåmark
Just like when you have nap schedules with little babies,

Stephanie Nichols
absolutely. That is probably the prime example of like, you know, when your nap, all of a sudden you like get it down pat, and then they start like wanting to go down later in the day or getting up, you know, it’s like, okay, well, now we’re gonna have to, you know, apply what we already know, to what has already worked and just be willing to pivot and willing to experiment and change it.

Laura Kåmark
You touched on something a little earlier that is still like sitting in my brain. And it’s talking about like, when you’re going around the house and like you see like, oh, the dishes need to be done. Let me take out the trash. And let me put you know, this load of laundry in and like you just go kind of, I always think of the if you give a mouse a cookie. Yes, I’m phonology syndrome, if you give a mouse a cookie, like all these other things, and I think about that whole idea often because I do that so much. And I don’t know if that’s kind of more of a woman thing. I know, my husband was home the other day on the weekend. And I was like just running around doing all these things. And it was the same sort of thing like, Okay, I’m going downstairs, put a load of laundry and let me go take the trash out, then I’ll move the laundry. And then I’ll bring up the other laundry and then like it was just, I find that I’m always trying to find the most efficient way to do things. So instead of just taking out the trash, it’s okay, I’m already going to be going downstairs, what else can I do while I’m downstairs? Do you find that a lot with clients of being like, that’s a good habit to be into where you’re kind of trying to find efficient ways to do something? Or is that really kind of like shiny object syndrome? Where you’re just looking around doing too much? And then in the end, we don’t do anything? But like, it’s not efficient? Yeah, I

Stephanie Nichols
think it really depends on the person, right? Because ultimately, what is your goal? What are you What is the result you’re trying to create? And if you are feeling good about what you’re doing, and you feel like you’re being efficient, okay? Or if you’re using as a way to kind of beat yourself up and looking at like, oh, my gosh, I didn’t do the things that I wanted you then I would suggest maybe trying something different. So I think it depends really on the person. I mean, I grew up with my dad, and my mom were both very meticulous people. And so everything had a place our house is always very clean. Are you know, like my sister and I both grew up believing that everything had its place. And we were both very meticulous ourselves, I think. But what works for me is being willing to just do that when I walk around the house, because then it doesn’t require so much effort later. Now, that being said, if it were creating a result where I wasn’t getting my stuff done that I had on my schedule, or the things that I wanted to do, then I would want to look at it and say, Okay, well, you know what, I’m really not getting the things done that I want to be getting done. Because I’m not constraining my focus to the things that are most important. Right, but I think as you because we are wired, our brains are wired for efficiency. Yep. Right. So they’re wired for survival to keep you alive. And efficiency conserves energy. And so that’s a very primitive skill of trying to conserve energy. So it’s not necessarily problematic. But if it’s something where you’re doing it, in creating the result you don’t like, then it’s like, oh, well, maybe I want to look at doing something different with it. Does that make sense? Yeah,

Laura Kåmark
it does make sense. It’s kind of interesting because like, I feel like oh, like complex a lot. But other times I’m like, it feels very draining on my mental load of like, trying to always think to like remember all the things that have to get done, especially like around the house, and with the kids and all that.

Stephanie Nichols
Yeah, yeah, I mean, and so when We do things automatically, it takes less energy, right? But if you’re finding yourself drained of energy, chances are it’s because you’re doing tasks that are maybe different. Like, if you were getting ready for a party, it’s a little bit different than the weekly cleaning. If you were getting ready, you know, to go to work is different than if you were preparing a presentation for something new. It requires energy when you’re doing something new or different. So if you find yourself feeling drained, chances are it’s because what you’re doing is something that requires you to store a lot of new thoughts all at the same time, right? Like when you were kind of dialoguing, well, I’ve got to do this. And then I’ll grab this, and I’ll do that. Like, there’s nothing wrong with that, like you’re not doing anything wrong. It’s just that when you are doing it all in your head, it requires a lot of mental real estate. And so it doesn’t allow extra space in your brain for other stuff, which is okay, right? Sometimes we are in that space, and it’s not a problem. But it’s just good to know that the reason that you’re feeling exhausted is because you’re you’re taking up a lot of mental real estate trying to keep track of it. Versus if you were in those moments to sit down and write it all out and say, Okay, well, first, I’m gonna do this, I’m gonna do this, I’m gonna do this, I’m gonna do this. Now you’ve got it on a piece of paper, and you’re gonna just go do the things, right, or you can plan it out in your calendar. And then, you know, like, okay, at one o’clock, I’m gonna go to the grocery store at 330, I’m gonna, you know, prep the tomatoes. I don’t know why you’d prep tomatoes, but prep the you know, whatever.

Laura Kåmark
You slice them for Capri salad, you slice them. Where I went, you said prep the tomatoes, I thought Capri See, that’s great.

Stephanie Nichols
But so you would, you know, write it all out. And then you don’t have to take up so much mental space. It’s why we talked about journaling, being such a cathartic way of getting thoughts out of your head. Because when you have them written down, you no longer have to store them up here reads like a release, it allows you to kind of take a mental space, and give it back to yourself by writing it down. And a lot of times when I journal, I’ve ripped that stuff up and throw it away, like I don’t even keep it. I just want to have it out of my head. So that I can like, Okay, I’m done with that, oh, that’s fascinating. I’m not a journaler. I’ve gotten past like trying to beat myself up. I’ve talked about it on the podcast before that, like I struggle with journaling. And I don’t know why it just doesn’t, I think I when I was a child, I had an older brother who broke into the locked cabinet and read the diary. And so I think because of that I’m like, It’s not safe for me to write my innermost thoughts down on paper, because it’s not safe to do that. Yeah, which makes a lot of sense. And so of course, like that habit that you’ve created of the thought, it’s not safe, has created the action habit of not doing it right, it’s possible. Another thing that I’ve realized in my adult life is that I journaled a lot. When I was reading my book, it was so cathartic for me to write all that down, I was going through a divorce at the time. And so it was very personal for me to really just like write everything out, get it all out, and really kind of like keep myself in that space. And then post divorce, I went through some really tough times, I was struggling a lot with, you know, being able to eat and with being able to function really. And one of the things that I wanted to do was to journal and I really struggled to get back into it, because, like you said, it didn’t feel safe for me to write down my thoughts, because of the thoughts that I was having were like, mean, not about me, necessarily, but about other people. And I didn’t want people to see that or to read it or to think poorly of me. And I really struggled with having that habit again. And so one of the things I realized is by letting it just be a messy habit has worked really well for me. So now I don’t journal every single day, but most days I do, and I don’t always journal in the morning, sometimes I journal like in the middle of the day, when I’m like, Oh my gosh, I just need to like get some thoughts out. I’ll just sit down with a notepad and just like write and then tear it out and throw it away. Right? It’s like super messy. But it’s sustainable for me because it’s something that has, like I’m building on what has worked for me in the past right to be able to give myself access to it in the moments when it feels like I want to do it, versus why need to do it every day, I need to do it for 10 minutes. And I need to write about this. And I need to like it looks so messy, but being willing to let myself experiment and that way allowed me to have access to that again, which was such a beautiful thing, right? Because it was like, I can see how much the journaling impacts me like the the positive impact it has on me. And when I was trying to do it in a certain way of what I thought I should do, or what has maybe even worked in the past with my journaling. It wasn’t working. And so I was like, Okay, I’ve got to try something new. I’ve got to be willing to just keep experimenting until I figure out what works. And it turns out what works is me just letting it be messy. Like my handwriting is messy. I sometimes write in paragraphs I sometimes reading lists. I sometimes write like emotions. I sometimes just write thoughts. I sometimes write out the model that we learned with the Life Coach School. I sometimes just like You know, dictate what I did for the day or like just whatever’s on the top of my brain, like, sometimes I just feel like I need to write to like, slow myself down. And by letting myself just do it really messy, and be willing to tear it out and throw it away has been what has worked really well for me. And so I hear people talk all the time about journaling, and I’m always curious, like, what is it that you think you should be doing? And what would you want to do if you could just have any journaling habit? And it could look however you wanted it to what would that look like? Right?

Laura Kåmark
Yeah, see, and like, I, I think I, for me, as a overthinker, detail oriented person. And people say like, oh, I journal every day. I’m like, What do you say? Do you have a prompt? Like, what’s, what are we writing about? Like, I don’t feel like this is something I I heard about a lot until I entered this online entrepreneurship space. I’m like, but what are we writing people? Like? Can someone give me an example? Yeah, and I do, I have some, like bullet notes, where I’ve had those that I’ve tried to go off those. And I just, I feel like I fall off the wagon of doing it a lot. And then I was kind of beating myself up about it. And that’s when someone else was just like, you’re out there like walking the dog on the beach every morning? Don’t even worry about it. Yeah.

Stephanie Nichols
Well, and you have to do what works for you. Right? One of my strong beliefs is that I don’t know what’s best for anyone other than me. Right? I mean, my children might be the exception, because I think that they’re still developing, but like other adults, or clients, like I never know what’s best for them. So I would never argue with a client. If they come to me and say they don’t, you know, something isn’t working, or they don’t feel right about it. I always ask them like, Okay, what do you want to try? What, you know what, what sounds fun to you. And oftentimes, they’re kind of taken aback like, that’s an option like I can do what’s fun. And so I’ve really built that into my practice with my clients of really helping them constantly be thinking that way. Right? So that’s kind of the habit that I’m building for them, or helping them build, I should say, is really asking themselves, what is it that I want to be doing here? What is it that sounds fun? How can I build a business that’s based off of my values, my personal values, right, that’s aligned with who I want to be in the life I want to create, because it doesn’t look the same. And I don’t have any clients that have the same goals, or the same vision or the same business. They’re all very different from one another. And so I think you have to do whatever it is that works for you. But I will say on the journaling note, one of the things that helps me a lot is I coach myself, so I’ll actually kind of have a dual personality, like I’ll write, I’ll write a question like, What do you want to be coached on today? And then I’ll answer it. And then when I answer it, it’s like, if something comes up, I’ll ask myself a question. So I’m almost like having a conversation or a dialogue in my head. And it’s really helpful because it helps me to see things that are maybe roadblocks keeping me from doing something like so for example, if I wake up, and I’m like, I just really don’t feel like doing this today. Right? Like, for example, maybe it’s like, okay, I really don’t feel like scheduling my posts for social media. It just does not sound fun to me, whatever. And so then I’ll kind of journal on it for a few minutes and realize, like, it just doesn’t feel fun, because I’m forcing myself to do it. And then I’m like, Okay, but how could I make that fun. And then I start to think about when I have fun with my friends, and what I enjoy doing what I enjoy talking about. And then I kind of like, tap into that and like, Oh, that feels really fun. I could just make the post more fun instead of making it so rigid and so serious. And so then you know, kind of like have that conversation and actually allows me to tap into a different energy. And then I can kind of come into my business with different energy than I was originally waking up with, or, you know, in that space, maybe after dropping my kids off at school or something when I’m, you know, the running late, and we’re like,

Laura Kåmark
in that panic Rush mode that I feel often I understand that.

Stephanie Nichols
Well, it’s interesting, because I don’t necessarily feel panicked in the morning. But I get frustrated when they don’t want to be in the same place as me like if I’m like, in a really like, go go go mood, and they’re like in slow motion. I’m like, come on, right, but if they’re like in a gogogo mood, and I’m like in slow motion, it’s like, that doesn’t work either. So I think it’s just a matter of when I’m in that space. It’s just kind of noticing like, Oh, I’m feeling like irritated right now. But I tried to get out of the panic mode. I tried to like notice that right away and like okay, I’m panicking because I think that’s like, life or death. And it’s not like this morning my son was late for orchestra by like five minutes and I was like in the grand scheme of life. I think it’s gonna be okay

Laura Kåmark
we’re like okay, worst case she misses the bus way driver like, right? So it happens when you were talking about coaching yourself and the journaling something that I I do pretty regularly. You So I have a lot of Voxer support with friends. And so I, I feel that maybe one of my things too is I’m just a verbal processor. And I need I do better talking it out than I do writing it out. And so I find that there’s certain people that I connect with and will do either weekly check in some people will talk to a couple times a week, I have some like, smaller mastermind, little, you know, peer led mastermind group friends that were together in group boxers, and I check in with them a lot. And just like, here’s what’s going on, how are we feeling? How’s everyone doing? Here’s what I’m going through. Here’s how I’m feeling. So maybe part of my not journaling, too is but for me, like what works is voicing it out to Voxer? Yeah, absolutely.

Stephanie Nichols
Again, it’s, it is really trial and error and experimenting for you like, what is it that feels good and aligned with who you are as a person? Right, I always thought I was a pretty extroverted person. But these last few years have really shifted my perspective on life. And I think going through a divorce or building a business, going through a pandemic, and raising children are all pretty, like significant things that happen in your life, and really just give you pause and help you to question what your belief systems are and what your values are. Right? That’s kind of what I talked about in my book was looking at what your values are, and how they change after you have kids for a lot of people. Well, it turns out that it’s true of divorce, too. When you go through divorce, your values change pretty significantly, right? Because your family looks different and, and things like that. And so I think it’s, I don’t even know where I was going with that. I totally lost my train. Does that ever happen to you? And motherhood? Right, yeah, really good train of thought there. And I was really going along and I was having like weight when I was like going, I do that all the time.

Laura Kåmark
I’m boxer, my boxer. Oh,

Stephanie Nichols
yeah, about being able to talk through things. I think it’s just what I was getting out as I thought, Oh, I thought it was an extroverted person. Oh, going through a lot of those things has really kind of taught me that I’m not necessarily extroverted. And I’m not not necessarily introverted. I think I’m more ambivert it where I, I can go out and enjoy time with people. And I feel really energized by it. But I also can feel really energized by spending time with myself. And I’ve kind of learned how to do both of those. And what I find is a lot of extroverted people really enjoy talking through things. And more. And this is totally like a generalization because there are going to be exceptions to the rule for sure. But people who are introverted can sometimes really enjoy that journaling, because it’s a very personal experience. Whereas I can kind of do both. I love to be coached, and have someone facilitating I also love to do it on my own. Because it feels very empowering. And like I have control. So

Laura Kåmark
he and that’s interesting. I feel like I’ve always enjoyed hearing other people’s opinions on things and getting feedback on like, Hey, I’m thinking of this thing are like, here’s, here’s the thing I want to do, how does this sound? And it doesn’t necessarily mean I’m going to take their advice. But I’ve always I mean, I remember doing this as a kiddie. But like, I like hearing other people’s opinions on it. Because like we only have our experiences to go off of, but pull more people into it. And like we have four people’s experiences to go off of. And so I’ve always enjoyed getting seen different people’s perspectives on things. And so I wonder if that’s part of it, too, where I enjoy like saying, well, here’s what I’m thinking. And sometimes people come back, I’m like, Oh, I didn’t even think about that. What a great point.

Stephanie Nichols
Yeah. And so I what I thought of immediately when you said that was there are a lot of people who do that, because they don’t want to ask themselves the question, first of like, what is it that I want? Or what you know, what do I think first? And I think it’s really important in that specific situation where if you’re gonna ask other people for opinions, like you need to be pretty solid about what yours are, but also be open to what other people have to say. Because I think if you’re going externally thinking that other people know better than you, because I did that for a few years where I was, like, so unsure of myself, especially after my divorce. I questioned everything. Yeah, right. It was like, everything just felt brand new. And I felt completely out of sorts. So I was always asking other people for their opinions, or like, just tell me what to do. Versus okay, I’ve got an idea of what I want to do. Tell me what you think so that I can see if there’s something that I didn’t think of totally different, like position, Rachael a different perspective. So I think it’s really interesting that you notice that you want other people’s opinions even if you know, you’re maybe not going to take it. But yeah, I think it all plays into like, because we’re all different human beings. And we all learn differently and think differently and have different experiences. And so I think the main point with my clients is really, I want them to trust themselves, to you know, know what it is. is that they want and to be able to go inward first and foremost, right? Because I don’t want them looking at all of the different things and getting all the different ideas and thinking they have to do everything all at once. Because that’s actually what I see a lot. Like, they’ll come to me and they’re like, Well, I have to do this and have to do this and do this and this, and like, okay. Okay. So what is it that you want to do? What do you want to start with? First? What’s the first thing you want to do? And they’re like, oh, I can pick like one thing first. And then I can do other things. It’s like, Yeah, I mean, I think we’re just not taught that. We’re like, okay, here, like, and motherhood, like, you have to do all of these different things all at once, and it can feel so overwhelming. And it’s like, okay, so if I’m gonna build a new habit, how do I figure out which habit to start first? Because they all feel really important. Right? And so it’s like, Okay, so we’ve got to be able to discern what is the most important, what is truly the most important? And what are the things that just feel important because of outside influences? Oh, I love that.

Laura Kåmark
I love that so much. Yeah. Because it’s a whole idea of like,

Stephanie Nichols
if you want to start these habits, you can’t do all five at once. You need to start with one. Yeah, absolutely. Because if you do start with all five of them, chances are none of them will last. Yeah. How long? Is it for a habit to stick in there since depends on the habit? It depends on so I would say it depends on the neural pathways, which I know sounds kind of scientific, and maybe, you know, I don’t know unrelatable. But when you are building a habit that’s based off of like, a neural pathway that’s already existing, I think it’s a little bit easier, there’s less resistance to it, because you have some belief that it’s possible that you can do it. If you’re building a belief that you’ve never done before, and it’s brand new, and it’s maybe even contrary to what you know, it can take longer, because you’re also unlearning the habit that you don’t want to be doing. Right. And so you focus on making it easier to do the new habit and making it harder to do the old habit. And so depending on where you’re at, in terms of your thinking about it, will determine how long it takes. Oh, that’s fascinating. I

Laura Kåmark
love that, that looking at it that way, because in my head, I’m always like, Oh, well, it’s 28 days to form a habit.

Stephanie Nichols
Yeah, because it really does depend. And I, I focus a lot more on the thought habits than I do the action, the behavior, because that is what I have found most of the time, if not all the time. It’s the thoughts that you have that are driving the actions that you’re taking that are creating the habit that you have. And so in order for us to change a behavior, we’ve got to understand why we’re doing that behavior, and what are the thoughts that are driving us to take that action that’s creating that behavior?

Laura Kåmark
Oh, that’s fascinating. I love that. I love that. I have a question for you about I’m going to kind of switch gears a little bit. Okay, I want to talk to you a little bit about the tech that you use to run your business. And this is, you know, with my background, as a website, developer and a tech integration person, I love hearing like what tech people are using to run their business. Do you want to tell me a little bit about like, your website was did you build it? DIY? Did you hire someone like, can we talk about all that?

Stephanie Nichols
Yeah, absolutely. And actually, this is really fun to talk about. Because this is one of those things where I actually have a lot of pride around this because I built my business from scratch. I had help in the beginning of doing things to kind of like get me through like I hired a VA to do some, some pages, I think for my book, like some follow up resource pages. And when I was doing my book, I had a lot of help because I wasn’t, I wasn’t in a place where I could spend the time learning the Tech because I was focusing on my book. But after that, I redid my whole website on WordPress with Divi theme, and I did it all myself. So I like got in there made lots of errors, lots of mistakes, things disappear and things we’re not what is it called when you go from your phone to your mobile responsive? Not responsive? Yes, absolutely. So it was like the whole huge learning curve. But I did the whole website. So the website that you see today that I have is all DIY created by me. Merely because I enjoyed it. It was like something that I was like, frustrated by but also when I figured it out. I was like oh my gosh, look at I did it and it actually looks pretty good. Yeah. Oh, I love that. Yeah, so I use WordPress. And then I use Zoom for coaching. And I have acuity as my scheduler which I think is changing to force space.

Laura Kåmark
I love acuity that’s like, yeah, it’s Squarespace. I don’t know if they’ve always owned acuity or if they’ve bought acuity. But yeah, now it’s like we’re space.

Stephanie Nichols
But I have that and I have it integrated with my my Google my G Suite calendar. And then I use I actually am using mailer light for my email Now, because I switched over, I used to have MailChimp. And then when they made a huge change in how they structured it, it no longer works for my business, I had to move everything over and actually lost a lot of stuff. Kind of intentionally, because I was like, I don’t really I’m shifting gears and my business, I don’t really need all this anymore. So I kind of let a lot of it go and kind of started over. So I’m using mailer light for my email. And I use trying to think of like thinking of the apps that I have on my phone. Right, right. So

Laura Kåmark
now those are all good. I love I just love hearing what people are using. Just because I don’t know, I find it interesting. Have you had any, like, random tech like, Tech Challenge, I don’t know if challenge is the right word I want to use. I’ve just like when I first launched my DIY website, Launch Kit, I sent out this like, it’s here, here you go. We’ve all been waiting for to handle these like leading up to emails and like it’s here, go get it and I got an email back immediately. And someone was like, there’s no link in this email. So by little like tech, oops. Which I find that people don’t always talk about, like they talk about the successful launches all these but like people don’t always talk about, like these little tech hoops that we have in our business.

Stephanie Nichols
I do it all the time. I mean, I’ve sent out stuff many times where like, I’ll have the wrong link, or I’ll have, you know, a missing link or the link won’t work. Yeah, I think that’s pretty, pretty frequent, or even. I mean, it’s not necessarily tech, but like, in social media, I’ll have where I’ll post something. And then I realized that what I said didn’t make sense, or, you know, like, I was connecting it to something, and then it didn’t work. Oh, the other texting is trying to do Facebook lives these days. My word, I was trying to set up a Facebook Live and my Facebook group. And I couldn’t do it from the group. Because I didn’t have permission, even though the admin, I was like, okay, so I did it in my personal page, and then shared it to the group. I was like, I don’t know if this is working, but I’m in a place now with my business where I’m like, You know what, I want to be the example of just like doing it messy, right? So I want to teach my clients, it’s okay to do it this way. And I have invited all of them to be in my Facebook group, I think most of them are because I want them to have a place where they can come in and not only experiment themselves with making mistakes with tech and with you know, just figuring stuff out but also to see me doing that right to like blaze the trail to lead the path of making mistakes and you know, being okay with it and not beating myself up and not judging myself for it’s just, yeah, we’re all going to do this, we’re all going to figure it out. And the more I make mistakes and in recover from them, the more willing other people are to make mistakes. Actually, I hear that a lot in my friend group, friend groups of like, my willingness to be vulnerable and like make mistakes and like openly talk about them has made it okay for my friends to feel like they can talk to me about things that like they’ve done that they’ve made mistakes, because I find a lot of people are afraid of making mistakes. And being made fun of or, you know, feeling embarrassed. And kind of a funny story a little off topic. But growing up my stepdad was like the most embarrassing human I think I’ve ever met. And it’s interesting, because I didn’t appreciate it at all the time. Because he was always embarrassing us. Like he’d wear bright pink hats. We went out in public, he would sing at the top of his lungs, he would talk to people randomly. I remember one time I was hungry at a restaurant. And so he went up and asked this table if I could have some fries because his stepdaughter was starving. And I think it really helped me to not be afraid of being embarrassed because I it was just like such a normal occurrence in my childhood that it felt like I couldn’t really get embarrassed. I mean, that’s not true, because I certainly can but there was a lot of a lot of leeway there for me to like make mistakes and and kind of just roll with it. So I’m getting back to that place where I’m much more comfortable in my own skin and being willing to make mistakes and in just forging ahead but yeah, I’ve definitely made a lot of tech errors.

Laura Kåmark
I love that I’m thank you for sharing that. Yeah, it’s something I’m I feel like we don’t always hear about it. And I feel like it does like sometimes it can be really hard to feel like you can recover from those things. And I think the more people hear about it and that my listeners can hear about like, we all make like we all do it we all send out the wrong link or we forget to put the link in or its launch day and the website goes down because of something that you have no control over. Like that’s just that’s that’s life it happens and you have to just learn to roll with the punches, because they’re gonna come it’s

Stephanie Nichols
Yeah, especially when I published my book that was, there was a lot of snack foods that it was like, I felt like, there were so many things that were not in my control. And I tried to really just go with the flow and like, when things didn’t line up the way that I thought they were going to, it’s just like, alright, let’s pivot and go, like, just what are we doing now? Like, okay, it’s not ready by March 3. Alright, march 10. It is like, yeah,

Laura Kåmark
I still have that date. For whatever reason I remember I’d put it in my calendar, because you had said it was launching. And I was like, oh, march 10. It’s like, just, I’m very weird with numbers like that. But like, I have random like dates. It’ll just stay in my brain.

Stephanie Nichols
It’s so funny. I do too. We have a lot, a lot of commonality. Me, too.

Laura Kåmark
This has been so much fun. I have one more question for you that I asked everyone who comes on the show. And that is what is one piece of advice you would give to someone when they’re first starting out, that would help them be bolder, be louder, and make waves in their business.

Stephanie Nichols
Okay, this is gonna sound kind of cliche based off of everything I’ve said today. But I think the one thing I would tell someone who is just starting out, is to trust yourself. Really, just trust yourself. Believe that you have everything inside of you that you already need. Like you don’t need to be any different than you are to be successful. You just have to trust yourself. Use your intuition and have fun.

Laura Kåmark
I love that so much, Stephanie, thank you so much for coming on the show today. Can you tell our listeners where they can find you online where they can hang out with you all the places?

Stephanie Nichols
Absolutely. So I have a Facebook group. It’s called the entrepreneurial habit builders. So you can search that on Facebook and find me there. It’s a really fun group to hang out in. It’s a very comforting, cozy group where you can come in, learn and make mistakes and be bold. And you can check out more information about me on my website. You can also find me on Instagram, Stephanie Nichols coaching. And I also have a Facebook business page Stephanie Nichols coaching. So it’s a pretty safe bet. If you look up Stephanie Nichols coaching in any of those social media areas, you’ll find me

Laura Kåmark
wonderful. I will link those all up in the show notes as well. Thank you so much for coming on the show today. This was so much fun. Yes, thank

Stephanie Nichols
you so much for having me.

Laura Kåmark
Thanks so much for listening to this week’s episode. Be sure to check out the show notes at Laurakamark.com/podcast. And if you’re ready to turn your website into a marketing machine, get more sales, save time and simplify the back into your business. Grab my free resource power integrations for your website. Head on over to Laurakamark.com/power. Thanks so much for listening. See you next week. Bye now.